Life seems ridiculously busy to the point that I don’t feel I am keeping up. I think I am now maybe a little too engaged in work and have been logging in at night to try and keep up. This little bit of extra seems to have pushed me over the edge of managing it all because for some reason, I suddenly feel like I have lost control. Our to do list at home is a behemoth and we cannot even seem to conquer the laundry and our pantry moths which both seem like they should be fairly basic. It is not quite as desperate as I am making it out to be but it does seem hard right now. I cannot even imagine with two kiddos and in a couple years from now when we hopefully have a little brother or sister for Belén we will probably look back at this point and think it was so easy and wonder why we were complaining.
But, it is what it is. Work is really crazy because we are finishing one product and dealing with all of the end game issues that go with that, as well as starting a new product and dealing with the planning for it and then on top of it all, it is the time of year where we do ratings. Ratings basically involve getting feedback from all of the people who my direct reports work with. That information is compiled together and used to extract the key strengths and opportunities for improvement for each of my employees. Pay raises and rating scores are tied to these ratings and so it is necessary to compare your people with other manager’s people to normalize on how everyone in the lab is doing. As you can imagine, it can be a stressful time of the year both from a standpoint that there is a lot to do and because you have difficult conversations both in the rating session and potentially with direct reports after the rating. It is one of the things that goes along with being a manager and I honestly do like it. The only part I am nervous about is if messages that aren’t entirely deserved need to be given due to the normalization process with the lab. What I mean is that I have a great team, but I cannot give them all 100% rosy feedback in this day and age. That is the part I do not look forward to. The good part is that some people will hopefully get some very positive feedback.
Another thing that concerns me is that I am more in touch with the people I follow on twitter than I am with any of my friends with the exception of my sister. I follow twitter on my iPhone when I am pumping (in the morning, at noon and late at night). These pumping sessions give me enough time to get caught up on what everyone from Lance Armstrong to Ryan Seacrest are up to. I also read online blogs from people with names like “amalah” and “dooce.” I could tell you more about what they are doing in their lives than my good friends. This is starting to be of a concern to me but I don’t have the time nor energy to do much about it right now. Sigh… Online, one-way relationships are easier and give me the exact information I need with minimal time investment. We try and make up for it on the weekends and once are backyard is complete, we plan to be the hosts extraordinaire.
Last week, Belén had her first cold and she was a snotty monster. She sounded like she was snorting with every breath, the poor thing. We sucked boogers out of her like nobody’s business, but to no avail. She kicked the cold pretty quickly and seemed better by Monday morning.
We have big news on the baby progress chart front. Belén can now roll over at will. Friday night she was trying her little heart out at it while we were watching the Boise State game at my sisters (before I slept through the second half). Today when I picked her up at daycare, she rolled over for me two times for me in succession. I was impressed because she had gone from it being a huge struggle on Friday to looking like a pro today.
Now as she rolls around with her long, 15.5 lb body, we are realizing how much she is growing up. I pulled the old photo out of the archives for today’s post because it is getting hard to imagine her being so small. You hear it thousands of times, but they really do grow so fast.
Last night I had the cloggiest of clogged milk ducts. It was out of character but Belén woke up at 3:30 am and wanted to eat. I fed her on the left side and a little bit on the right side before she was full. The right side was mostly drained down, but there was one area that was bulging with milk. I had never had this happen before. I massaged the heck out of it, but it still wouldn’t let down as I pumped. I finally got Belén up again to try and use her secret unlocking mechanism to see if she could get it to release. Her half-hearted attempt did the trick and it finally let down. It was crazy.
Tonight it is still a little sore so I am debating about getting her up mid-night to drain that side. I hate to mess with her sleeping schedule but I also hate to get a clogged duct that leads to mastitis if you are not careful. I remember my friend Becca would get clogged ducts and mastitis when she would become stressed so I have been trying to talk myself into not feeling the stress of life and work. It really isn’t worth it to get stressed…it adds nothing to the equation.
I did myself a favor and called to schedule a 90-minute massage late Friday afternoon to see if that might help. It was Andy’s parents birthday present to me and I hadn’t redeemed it yet, can you imagine?
I didn’t intend for this to be a poor me blog, but it definitely reads like one. Life is good, really. I just need to feel like I can keep up with it. I keep thinking back to the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and the quote at the end of the movie, “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” or my favorite Ani DiFranco quote which I know I have used in posts in the past, “When I look down, I miss all the good stuff when I look up, I just trip over things.” Only three months until Christmas vacation and seven months until our next vacation. Sigh… (thats twice in one night.) Until then, I just need to take it as it comes, not worry and enjoy every fabulous minute.
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