I feel a little bit nerdy posting this but I honestly don’t know what to do. I will likely look back on this post in a month and think I was such a dork for writing it, but oh well. It will mean I have figured out what to do and have progressed as a person and as a mother. I continue to learn that part of being a good parent is learning and adapting every day and I mean EVERY DAY. The changes just keep on occurring.
So I had this pipe dream which is a possible reality but I don’t think for me, that I was going to exclusively breastfeed Belén until she was one-year old at which point I could transition her to cow milk. I thought it might be possible even though I work and pump and all of that not-so-good stuff, but the reality is hitting me that the pipe is running out of tobacco or peyote or whatever it is that makes you slur your words and talk too much and dance naked around the communal tee pee .
I need to come clean. I am a total freak about formula. Why, you may ask? ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REASON! It is one of those things that I got in my head I wasn’t going to do and haven’t thought much about it since until now when I am only pumping 5-7 oz. at lunch and each day that I do it I have been wondering how much longer I can really keep it up. I think I am at the point where I want to skip the noon pumping and start the weaning process. Now let me be perfectly clear…I am NOT ready to wean. I am just ready to give up on pumping. I still want to breastfeed in the morning and evening! I don’t think I would have arrived at this point had I kept producing enough to sustain Miss Belén, but now that my bags of frozen milk supply has dwindled to single digits, I am seeing the writing on the walls and starting my contingency plans.
If I were a logical person (HA! I recall countless arguments with my mother that resulted in comments such as, “‘IT IS NOT QUITE SO LOGICAL, ALE-CIA…THERE ARE EMOTIONS INVOLVED!”) there are plenty of positives to this very scenario:
1. No more pumping.
2. NO MORE EFFING PUMPING!
3. Oh my goodness, I really feel like I am realizing how much I really despise pumping.
4. No more Vitamin D drops, the formula is fortified with it.
5. Andy can do more feeding, which he adores…truly.
Oh but the drawbacks almost bring me to tears… I cannot yet handle the possibility of being done breastfeeding. It is such an incredibly intimate, powerful, wonderful time EACH AND EVERY TIME (except when biting occurs..very infrequently.) Will I ever be this close to Belén again? It starts with no longer exclusively breastfeeding, then it quickly leads to weaning with even more decreased production, followed by going off to Kindergarten, then next it is finding out from one of Belén’s aunties that she went to Planned Parenthood to get on the pill and didn’t want to talk to me about it because she thought I would freak out. Oh no honey, I don’t freak out about birth control, only putting my nine-month old daughter on FORMULA.
Seriously, what is my problem? See mom, the logical can be emotional…
Okay, so lets get serious here. My true question is a dumb one. What formula do we put her on, Similac, Enfamil, something else? We still have free samples from when we brought her home from the hospital. Has anyone had better luck with one brand over another? Is there something that is organic? I guess the word “formula”doesn’t scream organic to me.
For goodness sakes, I gave the kid salsa tonight to test her tolerance to spice but I am worrying about formula. I just want to be clear that I know how ridiculous I sound. You know when you have something that is not quite rational that you get hung up on. Guilty as charged…
Tips, feedback, recommendations are greatly appreciated.
Also, when your kid started walking, did his/her feet point not straight ahead? Belén is a bull-legged walking machine but based on Dr. Internet this will correct itself as she starts walking on her own with no finger assistance AND as she gets older. Just wondering your experiences.
And last but not least. Tonight was the first time I have witnessed what I assume is a diaper rash on Belén. I assume that is normal considering there are creams galore to deal with it. It is just yet another baby basic new thing for us, so I am curious if there are any recommendations in this department. I have the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste®which a friend recommended and it smells fantastic, but I don’t really know if it is the best thing to use or what.
Thanks for putting up with my novice questions!
February 5th, 2010 at 10:47 am
Alecia, I just caught up on your daily blogging! You’re a busy woman. I LOVED yesterday’s picture of vampire baby. Hilarious. And sorry, even though I’ve gotten 3 boys past the baby stage, I still think life as a mother would be a billion times easier if they would just come with a darn instruction manual!! You’ll figure out the breastfeeding/formula dilemma you’re facing, just like you’ve figured out countless other parenting/mothering issues thus far. I can tell you, though, that my boys still love to be cuddled, hugged, snuggled closely, have their backs rubbed lightly, kissed, etc. and they’re 12, 10, and 5. I don’t think a mother’s love ever gets old.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Hi Alecia!
I, unfortunately, was only able to breastfeed just over 3 months and even though it was very disappointing for me to stop, Ke’akua and I still have a very special bond; he too loves to be cuddled and loved on.
I can totally empathize with you. As for the formula treatment I think you will find one that Belen prefers. We tried Similac, Enfamil and the Kirkland brand and knew in the end which one he preferred.
One thing that I can still say that we can’t go without is a lubricant called Bag Balm – it is what we use whenever Ke’akua’s bottom gets red and I swear, it s a miracle…clears up in no time at all. I thought my mom was crazy when she told me about it (initially developed for the use on cows’ udders) but seriously, it is truly amazing!
Good luck to you..you’ll do great in whatever you and Andy decide is best for you and Belen!
February 7th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Just getting caught up on your blog and understand how you are feeling… Also read the above comments and noted Ainoa’s recommendation for Bag Balm, which I have used for a number of years when I am hand quilting as fingers get sore and very dry – I bet it would be an excellent treatment for diaper rash. As for the olden days, I used Desinex (sp?) on your little bottoms, and it worked great, but has a pretty distinct odor – by now, that has probably been much improved.
In regards to stopping breastfeeding, you and Belén have established such a close bond, you don’t need to fret about that being broken… she’ll still love to cuddle and be with her Mommy (and Daddy), as there is no better place to be, especially when facing life’s trials and tribulations (like the little boy at daycare taking her toy)
I get such a kick out of how her little face lights up when you or Andy come to pick her up on Monday aftenoons. There is no doubt of how important you are to Belén.
As for formula, I did not breast feed as long as you and both you and Anna were on soy formula, because of your father’s milk allergy, and you both thrived. I’m sure this also has been improved since then and there are a lot of good options.
You have done such a remarkable job with Belén and breastfeeding, that you should have no doubts that she has had an incredible start. I’m so very proud of the amazing job you are doing as a mother and the remarkable father Andy is – and rest assured that our sweet little grandbaby could not be in better hands!
Love,
Mom
February 7th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Had the same issue with work pumping….declining returns for the amount of time put in. Eventually we went to formula exclusively at 8 months when he decided to reject the boob.
If she doesn’t have any problems with dairy, go with the Kirkland brand formula (just as good as Enfamil) but waaay cheaper
February 7th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Thanks for the advice!
February 7th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Aww, thanks Mom!
February 7th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Thank you for understanding and for the advice!
February 7th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
An instruction manual would be nice! I cannot believe how old your boys are now!! I am glad to know they still like to snuggle at that age. I am addicted to it, but Belén is getting so squirmy!