I am not sure if it is a female thing or what but I find it is very easy to downplay my abilities, experiences, etc. Just yesterday at work, someone who I met from a different organization asked me about my program management experiences. I sort of mumbled, “oh I have done a little bit of program management, but it was a different kind of project than other programs and it was only for a few months and it really wasn’t a big deal…”
Seriously, in retrospect, “What the hell?” If I could have sat there and watched myself give such a completely uninsipring account of my experiences, I would have dismissed myself as lame, inexperienced and lacking confidence and then gave my ass a lecture.
I think part of the issue falls into my inaccurate belief that once I have accomplished something, it is suddenly trivial and doable by anybody. While the trivial part is absolutely not true, I do believe that most people are capable of accomplishing nearly anything they put their mind to…but that does not address the fact that I am minimizing the accomplishment I have just achieved.
Let me give you an example. When I was working towards my MBA while working full time on a very demanding project, it was HARD!! Oh goodness, I think back on it and I start to clench my jaw from the stress of it all. I remember how difficult it was for two and a half years and I know full well that it took a lot of hard work and determination to complete. Yet…if I was telling someone new that I have my MBA, I would be like, “oh ya, I have my MBA…no big deal…” like everyone has their MBA. Like seriously, no big deal, as if it were as easy as driving to North Dakota and back.
And yet, I talk with some of my counterparts and they upsell everything they do. Is this a male thing? So for them, if they had their MBA, it would be as if they had flown to the moon to get it and rather than just training to be an astronaut, they actually ran the entire NASA program and designed the suits the astronauts wear and then learned how to freeze dry gourmet food for their trip and finally flew to the moon and spent ten years getting their advanced MBA there while collecting the first water samples in the deep lunar canyons.
So if you are a completely impartial person, you think, “WOW, Bob here is really impressive! He started the NASA program, then flew to the moon, built a lunar house, discovered lunar water and got his MBA…while Alecia here drove to North Dakota and back listening to a business book on tape.” When in reality, Bob took one business class at the local community college and I worked my ass off for two and a half years to procure the piece of paper hanging above my computer.
Maybe it is not a male/female thing…maybe it is a personality thing. I work with so few females that it is not fair to make sweeping generalizations based on gender even though my experiences tend to suggest gender might be a contributing factor here.
What about you? Do you downplay or upsell yourself? For both responses, I am curious why you think you do it.
If I am going to pose it to you, it is only fair for me to try and answer the latter question for myself. I *think* the reason I downplay myself is because despite the fact I have a blog where I blast out my comings-and-goings, thoughts, photos, etc. to the world, I prefer not to talk about my accomplishments in great length. I am a confident person, but I hope to not come off cocky or like a braggart. Also, unless I have had more than two glasses of wine, I prefer not to be the center of attention. Therefore, while I would like to share some of the things that are important to me (ie. my accomplishments, family, etc.), I immediately begin to downplay them in order to not spend a lengthy discussion on all the great things I have going on in my life. I want to bring them up, but not go crazy discussing them. I am equally interested in what others are doing so I try and move the conversation in that direction.
To be honest, it is hard to say if that is why I downplay myself, but with only a few hours of contemplating this topic, it is what I came up with.
Regardless of the reasons, we all need to remember in certain situations, where it is important to impress (often business-related), we need to drop the downplay and be confident in our experiences, abilities and what we bring to the table and sell ourselves. Honestly it is very hard for me to do and when I interview for jobs, I have to explictly practice to do it well. Like keeping your resume updated, this is probably something that is worth practicing more than just every five years.
—-
Please excuse the construction on the blog appearance. I am working with Katie Shamberg, a wonderful graphic designer and she is helping me spice up the site. Andy and I do not have a lot of time to mess with this stuff and are lacking experience in CSS and PHP so what seems like simple tasks to update the look-and-feel turn out taking longer and our construction drags on. Thank you for your patience.
Related posts:
- Schlepless Friday Update on the Wordpress transition, career ambitions and the schlepless working at home....
{ 4 comments }
I soooo relate to this post. I really struggle with selling myself in the work environment. Andy is always encouraging me and reminding me how much I contribute in the workplace. Why can’t I do that for myself? I too work with few women, but I have noticed it’s definitely a common trait amongst women that I don’t see in men nearly as often.
One thing I really wish I could change in myself is the ability to ask for raises, promotions, etc. For some reason I feel that if I work hard enough, that work will be recognized without any effort on my part. I feel uncomfortable or almost inappropriate bringing up the topics myself. Sorry, long comment post!!!
I, too, can relate as well. I hate talking about my accomplishments. I don’t want to feel like I’m bragging and would never be able to ask for a raise. I have a hard enough time taking vacation without feeling guilty. What’s up with that?
haha. Ignore my grammar. Long week
Tamara Kenyon´s last blog ..Friday Facts – Boise Idaho Photographer
The thing is, we have the confidence. There is just something hard-wired in us to downplay rather than upsell. I wish I knew why.
Comments on this entry are closed.