The other morning, I was in the shower while Andy watched Belén. She ditched Dora on the TV in lieu of investigating our bathroom, one of her favorite past-times. She came up close to the shower (we have a small walk-in) and started pushing the glass door in. Typically at this point we would say a common phrase around the house, “Belén NO.” but for whatever reason, Andy thought she might learn a lesson if we let her proceed. She would learn cause and effect.
If you go into shower while Mommy is in there, you get sprayed with water and this would likely deter her from future shower investigations while the mini room is in use.
I thought about objecting but figured it could be a good learning experience and the only negative ramifications is she gets an extra bath this week and her clothes for the day that I had just put on her would be wet and she would need to be changed.
One foot at a time she entered the shower. The water started spraying her. If it bothered her we were none the wiser.
Very soon she was completely drenched with water and her white peace sign onesie was fit for a baby wet t-shirt contest.
Apparently this parenting strategy was not going to pan out. I went for another learning opportunity and told her that when people get into the shower, they do so naked and that we needed to take her clothes off. I took them off and washed her off a bit, to at least get a bath for her out of the “learning experience.”
I picked her up which always makes me a little nervous because she is like a greased pig when she is wet, but I have learned how to hold her tightly, one byproduct of two weeks on the beach in May. She surprised me by latching on to my boob. What, kid? I mean, how long has it been? I told her that the well was dried up and that it wasn’t going to work. She kept trying.
Eventually Andy came with a towel and we pulled her off the barren teet to get dried off. She screamed. Apparently she liked it in the wet shower with the dry boob.
After they left I started thinking about parenting. When is the right time to let them explore and when is the right time to be firm with NO? We don’t want to be pushover parents but we also don’t want to be those parents who are always saying no without a reason leaving their children confused.
In retrospect, this was probably a time for a firm NO, but there is a possiblity that she could have learned by entering the shower that it is not even something she is interested in. Such a fine line I guess.
Do any of you o-wise-parents out there have any gems of wisdom on this one? When do let them explore rather than saying NO?
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{ 3 comments }
I think it’s okay to let them explore anytime:
1) It’s safe
2) You’re prepared to deal with the consequences (e.g., wet clothes)
3) You’re not undermining important past or future “no”s
I have the worst time with #3. Things like “sure, you can climb into the oven today because it’s not hot right now” are probably not a good idea because she can’t be expected not to generalize that permission and try again when the oven is hot… the oven is something that should just be off limits whether it’s dangerous at the moment or not, simply because it’s really, really important. But getting into the shower? It’s true that it will be a learning experience. (And if you can teach her to be comfortable in the shower without having to work at it… BONUS!) It’s just a matter of how much energy you’re willing to commit to the experience at the moment. She’ll probably want to do it again, now that she’s had fun doing it. But if that’s not a big deal to you, then why not let her enjoy the moment? I had a very similar experience last night, letting Aiden play in the hose while I was watering, since I was just about to go put pajamas on him anyway. Maybe I’ll kick myself when he wants to play in the hose at a less convenient time, but the payoff was that I got to watch him have a blast. And besides, one of the things he has to learn is that there are things you’re allowed to do sometimes and not other times.
I don’t have a problem with nudity so I would have probably gone the same route.
I think parenting is a learning experience for the parents as much as the kids
Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog ..OOTW: Think Tank
I wish I had any answers, but I’m still at the learning stage of parenting myself. Your post reminded me, though, of an interesting article that talked about “natural consequences” (e.g. kid wants to go out to play in the snow without boots; parent agrees; kids’ feet are freezing and he comes back in to get his boots on). The author encouraged parents to discipline their kids using natural consequences as much as possible. In your case, though, it sounds like you were doing exactly what the author would have advised – so then what do we do when the natural consequence appeals to our kids, but not to us? Sigh. As Elisa noted, I guess we are learning on the job here!
Kristen @ Motherese´s last blog ..Life After Yes: A Q&A with Aidan Donnelley Rowley
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